Sprouting hairs

11 Sep

After my fifth T shot I was feeling pretty meh – nothing to report really, no changes good or bad. My voice has gone quite squeaky and I am finding it hard to sing anymore or to reach a high pitch. When I am at work my voice squeaky and drops whenever it feels like it and I often wonder if clients think I am a pre-pubescent boy. Facial and chin hair has been sprouting like I’ve been using fertilizer on my face, and while I am happy with the tiny hairs that weren’t once there I am also a little self-conscious after an acquaintance noted it as female hairiness. I’ve been plucking the random strays on my chin and for the time being I am only contemplating the side hair that is more like a soft dark down.

I am hoping my partner will come with me to my next T shot next week so they can learn how to do it – saves me $10 with the nurse. I am wondering how long I will keep the shots up and trying to look into the future, but it is still confusing and I am not sure what I want. There is a part of me that wouldn’t mind exploring my trans-masculine side, yet family is holding me back and I am not sure what I am wanting. I want visible change…whatever that is. A few weeks ago I passed a cute guy while my partner and I were driving somewhere. I pointed to him and said “That’s who I wouldn’t mind looking like!”. My partner asked if i was trying to tell them something, is that who I was wanting to be, to fully transition? “I don’t know” I replied, “Maybe?”. My journey is perhaps just starting.

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