I’m a Gender Outlaw!

Your Gender Aptitude, Section I: Assumptions

Which of the following most accurately describes you?

_ A. I’m a real man.

_ B. I’m a real woman.

_ C. I’m not a real man or woman, but I’d like to be.

x D. None of the above. I’m something else entirely.

* Give yourself 5 points if you checked A, 3 points if you checked B, 1 point for C, and no points for D.

Write your score for this section here [0]


Your Gender Aptitude, Section II: Perceptions

1. Do you stand up to pee?

_ A. Yup most of the time.

x B. No, never.

_ C. Well I’ve tried it a few times.

_ D. It all depends on the effect I want to create.

2. Have you ever worn the clothes of “the opposite sex”?

_ A. Hey, give me a break. No way!

_ B. Yes, but when I wear them, they’re for the right sex.

_ C. What sex in the world would be opposite of me?

x D. Several of the above.

3. Do you shave?

_ A. Yup Except when I’m growing my beard or moustache.

_ B. Depends. I go back and forth on their hairy armpit thing.

x C. Where?

_ D. Yes, but not myself.

4. When you go into a department store to buy yourself clothing, do you shop mostly in a department labelled for your assigned gender?

_ A. Well, duh! Where else?

_ B. No, because sometimes the other departments have stuff that fits me better.

_ C. Yes, because it is very important to me to do that.

x D. I will shop in any department for anything that’s fabulous.

5. Are there things you can do in the world because of your gender that others can’t do because of theirs?

x A. Yes, but that’s just the way the world is.

_ B. Yeah, but they get paid well for what they can do.

_ C. I used to think so.

_ D. Honey, I’ve never let a little thing like gender get in my way.

6. Are there things you can’t do in the world because of your gender that others can?

_ A. No. Well, maybe I can’t have a baby. But who want to? Ha ha ha!

_ B. Well, duh. Of course!

x C. I used to think it was because of my gender, yeah.

_ D. Maybe a long time ago, back before I met the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Lion.

7. When the store clerk asks “How can I help you sir,” you:

x A. Smile.

_ B. Wince.

_ C. Curse.

_ D. Curtsy.

8. When the store clerk looks up at you inquiringly and says “Yes, ma’am?” you:

_ A. Wish you’d grown that moustache after all.

x B. Smile.

_ C. Purr.

_ D. Brightly exclaim, “Gee I’m sorry…would you like to try for Door Number Three?”

9. Basic black looks best…

_ A. On my new BMW.

_ B. With pearls.

xC. With anything.

_ D. Well, dip me in honey and throw me to the Goth chicks.

10. Have you read the book Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein?

_ A. Nope. Is it a Western?

_ B. I’d say what I really think about that book, but I’m nervous about how that might effect my aptitude score.

x C. Yes, and I loved it!

_ D. I couldn’t have written it better.

* Give yourself 5 points if you checked A, 3 points if you checked B, 1 point for C, and no points for D.

Write your score for this section here [20]

Your Gender Aptitude, Section III: Integrity

1. Has someone else ever accused you of being not really a man, or not really a woman?
_ A. No.

_ B. Yes.

x C. No, but I’ve felt it myself.

_ D. Yes and I’ve had to agree with them.

2. You’re in the middle of the pavement, in broad daylight. Your lover leans over and kisses you hard and long on the mouth. Do you:

x A. Kiss back and loose yourself in the moment?
_ B. Start to panic about who might be watching and what might happen to you?

_ C. Thank heaven for Max Factor more-or-less permanent lipstick?

_ D. Offer to sell tickets to gawking passers-by?

3. Has it ever happened that you’ve been in a group of people who are similarly gendered to you, and you find yourself behaving in a way that’s gender inappropriate?

_ A. No.

_ B. No, I’m very careful about that.

x C. Yes.

_ D. Yes, it happens all the time.

4. You receive an invitation to a concert. The top of the invitation reads “All Genders Welcome.” Do you…

_ A. Wonder why they phrased it like that.

_ B. Get nervous about who or what might show up.

_ C. Feel defensive.

x D. Feel included.

5. Have you ever been mistaken for being a member of a gender other than that which you think you’re presenting?

_ A. No.

_ B. Yes.

_ C. Yes, but not as frequently as before.

x D. I intentionally try to confuse people.

6. Have you ever agonised over your appearance to the point of cancelling a social obligation because you feel you don’t look right or won’t fit in?

_ A. No.

x B. Yes, I’ve agonised, but I haven’t cancelled.

_ C. It doesn’t have to be some social obligation; sometimes it’s just easier not to leave the house.

_ D. Yes.

7. Have you ever been discriminated against, harassed, or attacked because of your gender presentation?

_ A. No.

x B. No, I’ve been careful.

_ C. Yes, and it happens to women every hour of the day.

_ D Yes.

8. Is acceptance by or membership in some men’s or women’s organization important to you?

x A. Not really.

_ B. Yes.

_ C. Yes, but I don’t hold out much hope for that.

_ D. No, we’re starting our own.

9. Which of the following most nearly matches your definition for the word transgender?

_ A. It’s some disorder that results in men cutting off their penises.

_ B. Being born in the wrong body, or having the wrong sex for your gender.

_C. Changing from one gender to another, or just looking like you’ve done that.

x D. Transgressing gender, breaking the rules of gender in any way at all.

10. Which of these phrases describes you most accurately when it comes to rules about personal behavior and identity?

x A. I pretty much make up the rules to suit my needs, and I follow those rules as long as I’m getting something out of it.

_ B. I think many social and cultural rules governing individual behavior and identity are necessary.

_ C. I’m trying to figure out which rules to follow and which rules to ignore.

_ D. Rules? Honey, the Identity Police have arrested me so many times, I’ve got a cell with my name on it.

* Give yourself 5 points if you checked A, 3 points if you checked B, 1 point for C, and no points fir D.

Write your score for this section here [23]

Your Gender Aptitude, Section IV: Flexibility

1. When the kind of person to whom you are normally attracted begins to flirt heavily with you, you:

_ A. Envision the great sex you’re going to have later tonight.

x B. Try to get to know this person better.

_ C. Panic because it’s been so long and you wonder if you know how to do it right any more.

_ D. Flirt right back, matching move for move.

2. When the kind of person that normally turns you off begins to flirt heavily with you, you:

_ A. Hit the person.

x B. Leave.

_ C. Tell them, “Honey, you flirt with this hand.”

_ D. See if there’s anything about it you can enjoy as long as it’s only flirting.

3. When was the last time you were aware of something about your gender that was holding you back in the world?

x A. I can’t recall a time like that.

_ B. Do you want that in minutes or seconds?

_ C. Do you mean the times I did something about it, or the times it overwhelmed me?

_ D. It was just before I changed my gender the last time.

4. How many genders do you really think there are?

_ A. Two.

_ B. Well, there are two sexes. Is that what you mean?

x C. I’m going to guess there are lots of genders and two sexes.

_ D. When do you want me to stop counting?

5. Do you feel it’s possible for someone to change hir gender?

_ A. No. And what does “hir” mean, Flake-o?

_ B. I think people can try, but no. Not really, no.

_ C. Yes, with proper supervision, surgery, and hormones. I think so.

x D. How many times?

6. What do you believe the essential sign of gender to be?

_ A. The presence or absence of a penis.

_ B. A combination of genitalia, secondary sex characteristics, hormones, and chromosomes.

_ C. It’s an energy thing. People have male or female energy.

x D. Whatever.

7. If someone tells you they’re neither a man nor a woman, and you find out they mean it, you think to yourself:

_ A. This person is either kidding or is, really really sick.

_ B. The poor, brave dear!

_ C. Whoa! What a trip!

x D. I found another one at last!

8. If you meet someone who you think is one gender, but you find out they used to be another gender, you think to yourself:

_ A. Is this some costume party?

_ B. The poor, brave dear!

x C. Wow, and I didn’t even know!

_ D. Yeah, yeah. But can you do a good Elvis?

9. If you see someone on the street whose gender is unclear to you, do you:

_ A. Dismiss that person as a freak?

x B. Try to figure out if it’s a man or a woman?

_ C. Mentally give them a makeover so they can pass better as one or the other?

_ D. Notice they’re staring at you, trying to figure out what you are?

10. Is the male/female dichotomy something natural?

_ A. Well, duh. Of course.

_ B. It’s probably a combination of nature and nurture.

x C. Probably, but there are a lot of exceptions walking around!

_ D. There’s a male/female dichotomy? On what planet?

* Give yourself 5 points if you checked A, 3 points if you checked B, 1 point for C, and no points for D.

Write your score for this section here [17]


Exercise: Has there ever been a time in your life that you haven’t been treated like a real man or a real woman? Of so, did you give yourself any negative messages about that? If you did, write them down here.

A real woman loves who she is and what she looks like. She would love her breasts, pregnancy, children…and that’s it because I know to be a woman you don’t have to be all those stereotypical things. I look at my partner and know that she is a real woman despite not being able to have children, shaving her face and not needing to put a bra on over her saline breasts. I know women can be anything and anyone, yet I never felt like one…quite.

In the past I never felt like I was a real woman, I got the feeling from other people that I wasn’t girly or feminine enough. I wanted to fit in and I wanted to be liked and loved so I changed. I tried wearing make-up, different clothes, paying attention to guys and just trying to melt into the background of what every other girl at my school was doing. Because I didn’t succeed very well I believed that was why I was unloved and disliked; if only I was prettier I thought.

This was all during high school and it was a nightmare. I had moved country and changed schools around Year 10 and before that I was accepted for me – hairy legs, athletic, dorky and weird. I soon finished high school, but that only lead me to university and coming out as a lesbian, which repeated all these ‘things’ I was supposed to be as a woman. Entering my first lesbian relationship I was pushed into letting my tomboy side go and again I felt forced to shave my legs, armpits, change my hair and clothes and become a different version of who I am. I felt lost in those early years as a lesbian. I so wanted to just be ‘me’ but thought I was supposed to love my breasts and hate men in order to be a ‘real dyke’. I grew very depressed in relationships, especially when my partner was able to be butch and be seen as their real self, while I lay hidden underneath clothes that made me itch.

I still dabble with make-up, skirts and my feminine side, but this time I am in control, yet now I feel that I am trans enough…and so starts another chapter of my life. If I were to transition I would never be a real woman or a real man. I don’t see myself every growing up to be a manly man, or a man in general, I want to be me, genderqueer. A real man has a bear, is fatherly, hairy, is strong, emotionally withdrawn, has a cock, doesn’t have breasts and has a deep voice. Although I know not all of these things to be true, somewhere in me I just don’t feel I could be a real man, which in turn means I am not trans enough for not wanting to be.

Your Gender Aptitude, Section V: Love and Sex

1. Do you have a “type” of person you regularly fall for?

_ A. Definitely, yes.

_ B. I try to keep my mind open about this sort of thing, but I usually fall more for one type.

_ C. I seem to fall for lots of “types” of people, but usually they’re all the same gender.

x D. What? You want to know if I fall for typists? What a silly question. I fall for people I can connect with and who connect with me.

2. If you fell in love with a heterosexual woman, you would be:

_ A. Pleased as punch.

_ B. Really confused.

_ C. Nervous as hell.

x D. Curious, curious, curious.

3. If you fell in love with a heterosexual man, you would be:

_ A. Reassuring yourself that the old Greeks had friendships like that.

_ B. Pleased as punch.

x C. Nervous as hell.

_ D. Curious, curious, curious.

4. If you fell in love with a lesbian woman, you would be:

_A. Apprehensive, but titillated.

x B. Pleased as punch.

_ C. Nervous as hell.

_ D. Curious, curious, curious.

5. If you fell in love with a gay man, you would be:

x A. Reassuring yourself that the old Greeks had friendships like that.

_ B. Resigned to your fate.

_ C. Pleased as punch.

_ D. Curious, curious, curious.

6. If you fell in love with a woman who used to be a man, you would be:

_ A. Concerned how well she would pass in public.

_ B. Wondering why you couldn’t have met her before her change.

_ C. Nervous as hell.

x D. Curious, curious, curious.

7. If you fell in love with a man who used to be a woman, you would be:

_ A. Convinced that he’s really a woman and you’re not really a faggot.

_ B. Really confused.

_ C. Nervous as hell.

x D. Curious, curious, curious.

8. Who’s ultimately responsible for birth control?

_ A. She is.

_ B. He is.

_ C. I am .

x D. Honey, I haven’t had to worry about that one for years!

9. I like it…

_ A. On the bottom.

_ B. On the top.

_ C. In the middle.

x D. Yes I do!

10. Who’s ultimately responsible for keeping sex safe during this time of the AIDS epidemic?

_ A. I am.

_ B. I am.

_ C. I am .

x D. All of the above.

* Give yourself 5 points if you checked A, 3 points if you checked B, 1 point for C, and no points for D.

Write your score for this section here [9]

Your Gender Aptitude, Section VI: No Gender

1. Which one of the following statements most nearly matches your idea of gender?

_ A. Gender simply is. If you don’t like yours, get over it.

x B. I’ve been working on my own gender for a long time, and I’m getting to the point where I may actually have made it my own.

_ C. I think there’s a lot about gender that we don’t know about yet, and I wonder why that might be.

_ D. Gender is what happens to me when I get dressed in the morning.

2. Which one of the following statements most nearly matches your feelings about gender?

_ A. My what about gender?

_ B. I guess my feeling range anywhere from anger and frustration to happiness and exhilaration.

x C. Gender confuses me. I don’t know why it is the way it is.

_ D. I feel…I feel…I feel a song coming on!

3. Has there been any time when you’ve felt you have no gender?

_ A. No, I’m never really aware of my gender anyway.

_ B. No, I’m very aware of my gender nearly all the time.

x C. Maybe sometimes when I’m alone or I’m in some situation where gender doesn’t matter.

_ D. Lots of genders, no genders. What’s the difference?

4. Have you ever questioned the nature of gender itself?

_ A. No, it’s not polite to question Mother Nature.

_ B. I question the nature of my own gender, but gender itself? No.

_ C. I question gender, but I get the spooky feeling I’m not supposed to do that.

x D. The nature of gender? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

5. If there were no more gender, do you think there’d be any more desire?

_ A. Well of course not! That’s why it’s impossible to reach a point of no gender.

_ B. That’s a good question. I’ll have to ask my group.

_ C. My head says no, but my heart says yes.

x D. Oh dear. You really think a little thing like gender is going to get in the way of my sex life?

6. If you woke up one morning and discovered you were neither a man nor a woman, you would:

_ A. Kill yourself, or stay in hiding for the rest o your life.

_ B. Discuss this new development with your group.

x C. Read the rest of this book as fast as you could.

_ D. Yawn and get dressed.

7. Do you think there’s some sort of connection between your gender and your spirituality?

_ A. My gender and my what?

_ B. Well yes, it’s all about yin and yang and the inherent duality and non-duality of the universe, isn’t it?

x C. Perhaps gender is part of our spiritual challenge.

_ D. My what and my spirituality?

8. Have you ever killed off part of yourself you didn’t like?

_ A. There’s really nothing about myself I don’t like.

x B. I’ve let go of parts of myself I haven’t liked, yes.

_ C. Sometimes. Are you saying that applies to gender?

_ D. Oh baby, wanna see where I stashed the bodies?

9. Why are you reading this book?

_ A. I certainly didn’t choose to read it, that’s for sure.

_ B. I think it’s important to try to understand what it is that other people experience.

x C. It’s been dawning on me that maybe these might sort of be, well, my issues too.

_ D. Because nearly everything else about gender has been positively dreary, darling.

10. If you thought this book was leading you into some sort of radical gender change, would you:

_ A. Stop reading and throw the book away.

_ B. Finish reading the book, then sell it at a used book store.

_ C. Put the book up on the shelf and read it a whole lot later.

x D. Hahahahahahaha. Kate would never lead anyone into that unless they wanted to be led there!

* Give yourself 5 points if you checked A, 3 points if you checked B, 1 point for C, and no points for D.

Write your score for this section here [11]

My Gender Aptitude Level is: 80

61-100 Gender Outlaw

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