30 Day Genderqueer Challenge Day 5

Dysphoria and how you manage it.

First of all I feel like I have to define what dysphoria is: Dysphoria (from Greek: δύσφορος (dysphoros), from δυσ-, difficult, and φέρειν, to bear) is a state of feeling unwell or unhappy; a feeling of emotional and mental discomfort as a symptom of discontentment, restlessness, dissatisfaction, malaise, depression or anxiety“.

I manage dysphoria in many ways, some helpful and others not quite so much. There were days when I felt so overwhelmed by anxiety and feeling unhappy that I didn’t want to get out of bed, go to work, talk to friends or even want to think about anything relating to my genderqueerness. On those days everything used to overwhelm me and I would usually just jump into bed and try and get a good nights sleep and tackle the next day as it came. On the bad days I would manage my dysphoria by binding my chest and trying to ‘present’ as masculine as possible as it helped me feel more trans* (which at times would make me feel dysphoric = not trans* enough made me feel crap). Some of mydyphoria was due to not feeling trans* enough, while at other times it was around being genderqueer – not quite a grrl and not quite a boi, inbetween, confused and feeling a little weird.

On ‘good’ days I was able to talk to someone (friend/partner) or ‘trick’ my thoughts/brain by distracting it with something I enjoyed doing. I manage on an ongoing basis by seeing a counsellor once-a-month, chatting to my friends and partner, writing this blog and by not rushing into anything that I am not sure about.

One of the main ways that made me feel less dysphoric was starting T, which didn’t cure it but made me at least feel a little more comfortable enough within my own (hairy) skin that being genderqueer is ok.

Adapted from the 30 day Trans challenge and the 30 day [GSM] challenge

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