Cccchanges

28 Nov

I will be starting fortnightly injections next Friday. It is a trial to see if I feel more stable and also to see how my body reacts. Thinking about it now I am not quite sure why I am doing it. Maybe it was because my last blood results showed my T levels had dropped and I also reported that I had some anxiousness during my third week. Only time will tell!

There is another counselling appointment tonight and then a psych one next Saturday. I find the counselling very helpful as I have space to talk, not just about gender and trans* issues, but also about my anxiety. The psych appointment seems to be more about him and/or the process. I don’t find it useful and I often find myself needing to think of content that I have already resolved.

Yesterday evening while playing netball a friend noticed my facial fuzz/hair, they know about my starting T, while another commented on my voice being croaky, this one isn’t aware of me. I am managing to mostly skim over these comments but I am wondering when they will be unavoidable. I’m already noticing that I am getting tiny hairs on my shoulders and around my nipples, while my facial fuzz continues to spread and is now causing a few pimples. I am plucking for the time being until I am needing to take action with a razor or hot wax! My voice continues to fluctuate but hasn’t settled as yet, which I don’t mind. A friend told me while ago, after one of my T shots, that I needed to drop my voice so it isn’t so squeeky. For one I had no awareness it sounded so obvious, secondly I was hurt that her didn’t get that I am not wanting to sound ‘manly’ or ‘pass’. I am happy as I am!

I’ve not contacted the training coordinator at work yet, mostly because I am a little lazy, but also because I am not sure if I want to go ahead. Yetsrday changed my thoughts on that a little though. I was approached by one of the counselling managers who had a question to ask me. My heart jumped into my throat and I panicked that he was going to ask me if I was trans*. The question was something else entirely though so disaster averted. I wonder however what I would have said if that was the question?

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