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Anxiety and work progress

20 Nov

I received a reply from the training coordinator at my work. Basically it read “Can we arrange a time to discuss how you would like to proceed with this further, as I think it’s a very important topic?” followed by what days they were available to speak and meet. That was last week and I still haven’t called, partially because I am not sure if I want to go ahead and bring attention to myself now that I am transferring to another counselling service. I will think about this a little more and see how I go.

Work has been one place I can go and relax. When my anxiety is up or I am feeling stressed I find distraction at work. I am wondering how this might change if I choose to go ahead and ‘come out’ to come work peers? I am thinking perhaps the education on genderqueer could be for the staff and not my work peers who offer the counselling…? A plan for my supervisor and team leader to understand my want for gender-neutral pronouns etc. Maybe…

In other news my anxiety is back up and although I was concerned it was due to my hormone levels in-betweeen three-weekly shots I am fairly certain it is also due to my ‘normal’ r’ship anxiety I’ve always experienced. I won’t go into the who and why but I will elaborate by saying that I often feel isolated because I don’t know who I can talk to about this stuff. So many people roll their eyes when you launch into your love-life dramas that I’ve stopped talking about them, in-fact I have stopped talking about anything personal, and yes I have sought out a counsellor, but friends are always better because you can do it over a coffee.

Anyhow I am not in the right headspace (due to my anxiety levels) to write anymore today – thanks for dropping by though!

Worried about T

11 Oct

I’m exhausted from stressing out about a million things, one of which being T and transitioning. My voice is continuing to change, drop and squeek (especially when I sing), while my facial fuzz is becoming more and more obvious to others. I’ve contemplated shaving, depilatory cream and growing it out – haven’t decided on which though. I don’t bind anymore even though I would like to, the main reason being because I would like a non-surgical flat chest, but headaches and being uncomfortable aren’t not worth it. I saw my counsellor yesterday who asked how I would feel if by next summer I couldn’t pass as female anymore. I’ve not been thinking that far along, assuming it would all be ok or that I wouldn’t need to think about it. But I guess that raises the question of how far is too far?

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Not out at work

26 Sep

I am starting to loose count of how many months it’s been, how many shots I’ve had and where I am on my journey. I know I am no longer trying to ‘reach’ anywhere, I am simply travelling along and seeing where I go, where it all takes me. (more…)

Three weeks on T

21 Jun

I am due for my second shot of ‘T’ tomorrow, yeah that’s right, I already had my first one three weeks ago! I went to the clinic with my partner but chose to see the doc on my own. We chatted briefly about the past few months since I hadn’t seen him since I got a referral to the psychologist. I talked about my blood tests showing I have an under-active thyroid and my anxiety about starting ‘T’ injections. I will be on half-a-dose for three-months and after that I can try for a full-dose. I will be using these next couple of months to see how I react to the hormones and if I want to stop, continue or move onto T-gel instead. The injection itself wasn’t much and I felt a little disappointed after the huge hype. Leaving the clinic I felt a sense of peace, however I doubt this was due to the ‘T’.

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Anxiety

16 May

I cannot remember what I have already said so apologiese for any repeats…

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